Rantings of the mind

 Some experiences don’t arrive loudly. They enter quietly and stay. This workshop was one such experience for me - gentle, intense, and deeply personal. From 29th to 31st December, I had the opportunity to attend a three-day theatre workshop conducted by the genius playwright and director Mahesh Dattani. Until then, he was a name I had known only through textbooks and exam syllabi. Meeting him in person, learning under him and eventually performing in a play directed by him felt unreal. On 1st January, I watched Yogi vs Bhogi by his troupe and performed in the play Vidhi, written by G. Sankara Pillai, under Dattani sir’s direction. It felt like the most meaningful way to begin a new year. I genuinely had a lot of fun during the workshop. I woke up every day excited to learn something new. We were introduced to Michael Chekhov’s techniques, especially Staccato and Legato. Staccato was sharp, quick, and energetic, while Legato was smooth, continuous, and flowing. Slowly, I realised t...

This evening, while sipping tea, I found myself thinking about who I am. I thought that I would type down my thoughts before I feel like not doing it.. I just realised that what works for other people… doesn’t always work for me. Just because everyone’s doing something doesn’t mean I have to. Sometimes, it doesn’t even make sense. Take coffee. Some people can’t live without it. It’s their obsession. Me? I love it. I enjoy it. But I don’t need it. It’s just there. It doesn’t matter if I drink tea for a change. The warmth of the cup, the quiet sip- I like it. That’s all. I have my own pace, my own way of doing things. I know what I like. I know what I don’t. I know what I need to feel okay. I get angry over things that feel like a violation. I get emotional over things too, though most of the time, I don’t show it. I just… hold it inside. Boundaries aren’t walls. They help me feel like myself. I don’t feel obligated to explain them to people who don’t want to understand. And honestly, I ...

It’s been a while since I wrote anything. I don’t really know why, but today something pushed me to write again. Yesterday, I found myself complaining to a friend that the skies in Kottayam aren’t as pretty as the skies in Chennai. But today, the sky decided to prove me wrong. I had gone up to the terrace to wash clothes, and then I looked up casually - what I saw was ethereal. The colors, the calm, the beauty of it all… I couldn’t take my eyes off it. That moment made me realize something. It was never about the skies being different. It was about me - about how I hadn’t learned to notice them from different perspectives in different places. To be honest, I was never someone who enjoyed watching nature. My habit of looking at the sky began in the quietest moments of my life - when I had nothing left to talk about with people, when I was walking alone, or when I was lost in my thoughts. The sky became a silent companion, something I turned to without realizing. And somewhere along the ...

 I’m in Kottayam now. Hmm… yeah, you read it right — I joined the School of Letters at Mahatma Gandhi University for my postgraduate studies in English. It’s been around four days here. I don’t know… the place feels strangely familiar. The trees, the roads, the stalls, the classes, the staff — everything reminds me of MCC, the college that became my safe space during UG. There’s a certain comfort in these surroundings, a quiet warmth that takes me back to those days… as if this place, too, is ready to offer a kind of home. There’s nostalgia in the air, but also a silent promise of something new. And this time, I want to do things differently. I carry my UG memories with love — the happiness, the chaos, the fights, the friendships — but I also carry the lessons. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. I want to grow through this phase, to make these two years meaningful and fulfilling. This is a fresh page. And I’m ready to write it — slowly, honestly, and with purpose.

ஆழ்ந்த நித்திரையில் இருந்தேன். நள்ளிரவு வேளை அது. கனவு ஒன்றைக் கண்டேன். தொடக்கம் இனிதாக இருந்ததால் மகிழ்ந்தேன். ஆனால், இறுதியில் மூச்சு நின்றது போன்று துடிதுடித்து விட்டேன். கண்களை மூடியபடியே அழுதுகொண்டிருந்தேன். தாரைதாரையாக கண்களில் இருந்து கண்ணீர் வழிந்தோடியது. எனது கனவில் கண்ட காட்சிகள் பின்வருமாறு: “எனது நண்பர்கள் யாவரும் என்னை வெறுத்து ஒதுக்கி விட்டு துன்புறுத்தினர். என் பொம்மைகளைப் பிடுங்கினர். எனது புத்தகங்களை கிழித்தனர்." நீங்கள் எண்ணுவது சரிதான், நான் எனது பள்ளிக்கூடப் பருவத்தில் இருந்தேன். சரி, கனவைத் தொடர்வோம்.   "நான் அழுதுகொண்டிருந்தேன், எனது வகுப்பறையில். ஆறுதல் சொல்ல யாருமின்றி தனியாக அலறினேன்; கூச்சலிட்டேன். வீட்டிற்கு வந்து அழுதுகொண்டே படுத்துவிட்டேன். பள்ளியை விட்டு வரும் வழியில் அப்பா வாங்கிக் கொடுத்த பஞ்சு மிட்டாயும் இனிப்பாக தெரியவில்லை. திடுக்கென கனவிலிருந்து எழுந்தேன். கண்ட காட்சிகளின் கொடூரத்தை, மனதின் பயத்தை நீக்கும்படி நல்ல கனவு ஒன்று வேண்டும் என்று இறைவனை வேண்டினேன். அழுதவாறே மீண்டும் நித்திரையில் ஆழ்ந்தேன்.இம்முறை வந்த கனவானது முன்னர் கண்ட கனவின் த...

Am I annoying? Am I too loud? Do I stand out too much in the crowd? Am I disturbing? Do I intrude? Do my words come off as rude? Am I hurting? Am I wierd? Do they wish I wasn't there? Am I enough, or just a mistake? A troublemaker, hard to take? Do they listen? Do they care? Or just pretend that I’m not there? Do they judge me when I speak? Do they think that I am stupid? Am I awkward? Do I bore? Should I stay or leave the place? Do they laugh when I’m away? Wish that I would never stay? These questions echo in my mind, Answers I may never find. A restless mind that craves some peace .